I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The beer is more important than you right now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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