I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's the barista slut.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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