brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
