This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
