Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
two words...techno handjob
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
