Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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