You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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