im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
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