I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
