she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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