yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
