my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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