I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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