I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
