1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
