she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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