Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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