you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
