Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
