My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
