we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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