My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
