It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
