Will you blow on my dice?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
