3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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