His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
