I bet he comes in French.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
