Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i drank out of a bidet.
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
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I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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