I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
