It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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