hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
