Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
