Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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