Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
