The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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