waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
