what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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