I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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