The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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