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i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
