No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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