K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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