These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
