you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
