I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
