There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
