I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
