When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
