In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
