Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
