If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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