He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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