So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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