someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
