Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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